The Hard Part of Slowing Down

Living with chronic illness means rest sometimes comes with guilt

I didn’t plan to post today. In fact, it’s taken me the better part of the day just to write this. My brain is foggy, my limbs ache, my skin feels too tender for even a soft blanket, and my sinuses are staging a full-on rebellion.

Some sort of summer virus hit me hard early last night—fast and fierce. Sore throat, body aches, runny/stuffy nose, chills, and more swelling than I’ve had in a long time. It’s my first bad summer illness since starting tirzepatide a year ago, and it’s reminding me just how brutal even a simple virus can be when you’re living with lymphedema. The congestion in my lymph system makes it harder for my body to clear things out. Toxins get stuck, swelling ramps up, and everything just… hurts more.

I’ve been doing what I can at home—some manual lymphatic drainage, propping up with pillows, sipping water—but it’s one of those times when even getting up to make soup feels like climbing a mountain. I’ll probably need to order some sick supplies (premadesoup, popsicles, jello, meds, and tissues to help me manage).

Emotionally, I’m wrestling with guilt. Guilt that I’m not getting anything done when I desperately need to be writing, cleaning, and preparing for school starting again. Guilt that I can’t push through like I used to. And that’s hard to do because being chronically ill doesn’t mean you stop needing income or stop having deadlines.

I know resting is the right call. But I’m behind—in almost every way—with no cushion to fall back on. I'm still $1,235 short of covering certain bills like car insurance and utilities. While I know there’s no shame in needing help, I still feel like a failure for not doing more. Creating more. Writing more.

So this is me, showing up honestly. Not to say “woe is me,” but to say “this is me right now.” Sick. Swollen. Tired. Trying.

I’ll be back with more as soon as I can. But for now, I’m letting the virus slow me down—and doing my best to honor what my body needs.